Out of the Darkness

My Recovery Story

Out of the Darkness

January 5, 2020

Have you ever felt called to do something? Without a doubt, inexplicably, clear-as-day called to do a thing? About 3 years ago I felt God telling me to start writing. I literally sat at my laptop and stared at a black white screen for days, weeks, months even. I would laugh to myself, wondering what the heck I had to write about. Sure, I’m a normal human-being, so there are the day to day annoyances, relationship struggles, parenting issues, etc. But nothing more than anyone else in the world encounters. I thought ,”if I do write a book, there are about three people that would buy it: my mom, my husband”…ok, maybe two people would buy it.

So, fast forward a couple years. Today, I am sitting at my laptop with so many thoughts that I don’t even know where to start. Still laughing to myself, I can honestly say- don’t ever tell God you don’t have enough “material” in your life. I’ve lived more life in the past year than I would’ve ever chosen, but to be honest, today, I have never felt more like myself. Or, maybe I should say, more like the woman God intends me to be.

I started journaling a few years ago, and still do today. My story has taken so many twists and it is far from over. The purpose of this blog is simply to do three things:

1. Obey Christ and what He is calling me to do.

2. Process my own reflections (through journal form) in my recovery story.

3. Encourage others and be a support for anyone dealing with addiction.

Here is my one and only disclaimer- I have not “arrived”. I am not a mental health professional (yet, anyway). I do not claim any answers nor do I offer any cures. I’m pretty fresh in recovery. I’ll be honest with struggles in my life. The reason for doing this in blog form is that nobody has to read it, if they don’t want. Journaling is a form of therapy for me, so it’s honestly more of a healing process than trying to “gain an audience”. I’m not looking for pity, attention, or judgment. [This is where I’d have you sign an informed consent document….haha, if you’re brave enough to keep reading, I’ll just assume you did.]

Ok, now that’s off my chest, I can really get to the fun stuff.

I have been pretty open about my struggles with addiction. When I said above that I’ve lived more life in the past year or so than I did in all my previous 35 years combined…I’m not exaggerating. God has literally brought me to my knees. Actually if I’m honest, more like flat on my face.

Today in the United States, over 10% of people struggle with an addiction (eg. substances, sexual, gambling, etc etc). Of these 10%, only about 11% will seek treatment for their addiction. When you hear 10%, maybe that number sounds low. Think of it this way, that’s one out of ten. You surely have ten friends; at least one of them deals with an addiction. Look around at church this Sunday. If there are 200 people sitting in the pews, about 20 of them struggle with an addiction. Addiction has no barriers or discrimination- this statistic includes the entire population (rich, poor, church-goers, non-Christians, etc).

Here’s my challenge to myself today: Look around. Who do you see? Who don’t you see? Who appears strong and put together? I promise you- they are either struggling, or they’re lying (Or, they aren’t struggling..yet). When I was deep in my addiction, I disappeared. Responding to texts was exhausting. Leaving the house was a nightmare. Attending any event came to be impossible without alcohol. I think it’s our natural tendency when we see someone struggling to leave them alone and “let them figure it out”. Sometimes we know someone is dealing with hard things, but we just don’t know what to say. I’ll tell you this, from a person who has been in deep darkness- If you know a loved one is struggling, please don’t withdraw from them. Reach out. Even just a simple text saying, “Hey, thinking of you today.” Or “How can I pray for you today” will mean more than you will ever know. Be that friend that runs TO people when it’s hard, not away from them.

Or, maybe you are the one that is struggling. Maybe you suffer in silence from an addiction, maybe not. Here’s what I have to do for myself:

Be honest. What do I need? What am I really feeling? Tell someone.
Before doing anything, get in the Word. Pray.
Do something for YOU. Call a friend or mentor, take a walk, do some yoga…whatever you love. Take time for yourself.

Look out for others. Look out for yourself. Be gentle with others .Be gentle with yourself. We are all on this journey together; we’re all a work in progress. More than anything- get out of the darkness. Don’t hide; let’s be real so we can heal.

So much love to you,

Beth

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